When healing occurs, sometimes there's some catching up and redemption that needs to take place from time and abilities lost in the sickness. An amazing mentor of mine shared a principle that I had never heard as it relates to our children: capacity. As I saw some less-than-age-appropriate behaviors in my child, I began to ponder the concept of capacity. 

Capacity means the ability to contain or hold; the size or extent of something; ability in an intellectual sense; to take or to grasp; ability to produce; the power of containing a certain quantity. 

I remembered that one year, as I was teaching kids science, we did a project about the lungs, measuring the lung capacity of each child (how much air was in the lungs). First, we filled up a tub used to wash dishes with a small amount of water. Next, we filled an empty milk jug with water, up to the top. After that, we inverted the milk jug by placing our hand over the top and tipping it upside down into the tub of water. Lastly, tubing was placed into the opening of the milk jug and the other side was held by the child. A deep breath was taken, filling the lungs, and finally, the child blew all the air from their lungs into the tubing, taking the place of the water inside the milk jug. The water bubbled up vigorously as it escaped the lungs. The last thing we did was a measurement on the jug to see what the lung capacity of each child was (how much air they pushed from their lungs into the jug). They loved it. 

So when I learned that my child had a certain "capacity" for what he could handle at any given moment, I was ready to learn how to help him grow it. The bigger the capacity, the more he could handle. So we picked one area at a time and set out to enlarge his ability to interact with people and group settings. 

Step One: I began by speaking blessings over him, telling him throughout the day, ahead of time, that he was a great friend, a good listener, very responsible in the area of following directions and that he loved cooperating with other kids and teachers. I built up his capacity for faith in his Kingdom identity and the characteristics the Lord gave him already.

Step Two: I supported him as we grew his capacity by going with him into group settings where he might normally struggle. I was the backup plan. I was a visible helper to sustain him when his ability to manage himself in difficult situations was more challenging than his currently developed coping skills or abilities.

Step Three: I recognized his limitations and made a plan. When his behavior went downhill, I offered to go for a walk with him, let him eat a snack, or go get a drink of water. Sometimes just a break out of an overwhelming situation is the right remedy. 

Step Four: When he lacked capacity, I realized that he needed my capacity to be big enough to contain him and the situation. That meant I had my own work to do! I had to be extra patient, calm, caring, sympathetic, insightful, and know my own limitations. At home, as we practiced, if I needed a break...I took one! The fruit of the Spirit gives us all the capacity we need, but it's still up to us to ignite that fruit in the right moments.

Step Five: We practiced this over and over, in faith. If it didn't go as smoothly as I'd hoped, we readjusted the plan, and came up with different ways to refresh and renew in any given situation. I involved others by educating them in our plan so they could also enlarge their own capacity for helping my child. 

I also explained to my son what we were doing. He easily understood capacity when I demonstrated it with a balloon. My favorite scripture, which can be used for so many implications, is, "Do not be conformed to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may be able to test and approve what God's good, pleasing and perfect will is." Romans 12:2

Growing capacity is renewing the mind and setting it to do a new thing, then training the body to follow along. Like Paul says in 1 Corinthians 9:27a, "But I discipline my body and bring it into subjection..." If we bring our body into subjection, then we can bring our mind, will and emotions into subjection to the word of God also and our capacity can expand to heavens ways being brought down to earth through us (and our children)!